What risk are you taking in your writing?

thescream_munch

I’m taking a break from my killer blog series. The support of this writing community is making me honest.

I hate that.

It is so much easier to teach. So much more predictable to speak from what I know. To live in the sound of words and their beauty. To keep moving.

Thing is, I think it’s time to stop. Stop performing. Stop filling in the silence. Just be – with the pain. And the fear. It’s not a safe place for me. I haven’t let myself in there much.

What if my gravest doubts are true? What if I am only fooling myself? What if our circumstances really do define us? My husband and I are struggling – there’s a dullness in his eyes, a sharpness in his tone. I don’t think he recognizes me anymore. It’s terrifying. I can’t explain my sudden tears. My mind wants to sort this  out logically, but I can’t.

In the chasm, I catch myself filling in the blanks with rote answers. It’s a mechanical response, not one I feel at all. It’s the distance between what I know to be true and my reality. And it hurts. I’m not used to feeling bad – I spent a lot of years avoiding it, in fact. So it catches me off guard.

I’m staying here until I figure this out. It’s time. And though I can’t make the pain go away, I will stand against the lie that I don’t count. I’m standing up. I’m determined to get through this.

On the other side, I think I’ll be a better writer. I believe I’ll live inside my words then, instead of casting them out ahead of me, hoping they’re true.

This is my risk – my small step. Brave souls have gone before me. I’m challenged by Danny’s post. And emboldened by Niki’s quest for balance! So grateful for the ongoing support in this writing community.

 

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13 thoughts on “What risk are you taking in your writing?

  1. Thanks, Miracle. Will do. We’re in the middle of listing our house, so things have been hectic. But I am not leaving this community – you and others feed my soul 😀 Can’t wait to jump in on the writing prompt (just tooooo tired right now). Bless you!

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  2. There is power in this raw-beauty….it instils faith in your determination to make it through the valley….I believe that you will see your way clear, and that is hope-inspiring….you are wonderfully-courageous….thank you for sharing your heart….God bless you 🙂

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    • I want you to know, Truly, that your words are a such an affirmation – I don’t like vulnerable, but it’s time to grow (now that I’m 55 🙂 And God has rewarded me along this pathway with souls unafraid to open up and share. It has given me courage. I’m holding tight to your words tonight. Thank you!

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      • Isn’t it beautiful how you go through a good many years only to be surprised to find that your time has come? There’s no expiration date for coming into your own…that privilege is not exclusively reserved for fleeting youth….your best days are yet to come and you are going to bless so many people by virtue of your perseverance and wisdom…thank you for letting me know that my comment helped…you’ve helped me….so, it’s reciprocal…just as it is meant to be…I wish you a peaceful day 🙂 P,S. To say I can’t stand vulnerable is the understatement of the century 🙂

        😀 – You are awesome! – Sharon

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    • Miracle – thank you for coming after me!! We are cra-cra here, when all I want to do is write. And you are my very first prompt! Did I read the deadline right? I have until the 11th to post. I think I will have time tomorrow evening (when I will lay down my perfectionism and take finger to keyboard, promise!) Can’t wait to read others and share my very first challenge!! Yea!!

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      • Yeah ! You still have time to take up the challenges. Good to know that this is your first prompt attempt. I’m pleased to know that.
        When I read your blog post, I thought you are leaving and going to stop writing. 😦
        So with a worry I askesd you. I’m happy with your presence here in your free time. And good to know that you are 55 now. This is a peaceful phase, I guess freed from all responsibilities. I don’t much. Since I’m in late 20’s and single yet.
        So keep wriitng and share your thoughts about your life frequently so that I can learn from you. 🙂

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